Ugh...Not Again!
Imagine: A small child, bouncing on their toes. Their hands are weaved together, clasped with fervency. They are asking, begging, for something. They move onto the puss eyes. Ah! There it is. The biting of the lip. Why would the child be biting his lip? Maybe because they can sense an answer coming. An answer... they don't want to receive.
"Please?" They drag the word out, "I'll do anything if I can!" Ah, yes. That old line :)
"No, not today." The parent sees the child's eyes filling with- dare I say it? Disappointment.
"Honey, please. Don't give me that look." It's the parent's turn to beg. When the child runs away screaming (at the top of his lungs, I might add), it causes eh! Disappointment- for the parent too.
"Why can't he understand? I'm doing it for the best! Now, with all the stress from _____, I have this to deal with. I just wanted a perfect day, for once..."
. . . . .
To preface this next section, I want to let you all know that I will be very bold in this post.
Every one of us is familiar with disappointment. We experience it maybe once a day, whether that be from small things (like wanting a certain meal- but eating another, less enjoyable one) to the big things (wanting to attend an event or even bigger than that). It does not have to be that way. We have a choice.* It's simple: want to be happy? Accept it with optimism. Want to be sad? Accept it with pessimism.
I understand. It does suck (so do vacuums...). It is really annoying when you are so excited about something- for a long time- and (come to find out) it was never a possibility in the first place. You're probably waiting for me to tell you "But..." I'm not going to. Why? To reiterate, because it is your choice. Can I tell you to choose to be happy? Yes. Can I demand you to be optimistic? Yes. Will it work? Maybe. It also depends on your attitude.
"Disappointment is a good sign of basic intelligence. It cannot be compared to anything else: it is so sharp, precise, obvious, and direct. If we can be open, then we suddenly begin to see that our expectations are irrelevant compared with the reality of the situations we are facing."
-- Chogyam Trungpa
Sometimes, when we are disappointed, it is God's way of preparing us for a new level. Sometimes, it is a "yes" to someting greater. Something that is inconceivable to us at that time.
Examine your attitude. How are you feeling now? A little berrated? A little ashamed? A little prideful? Why? It is important to know what you are feeling. It is even more important to figure out why you feel that way. Is it because of past failures? Past disappointments? Past betrayals?
Why?
Today- if/ when you feel sad, disappointed, ashamed, hopeless etcetera, I want you to examine why you feel that way. Again, you do not have to do this. However, let me ask you a question: Do you desire to change?
If you do not desire to change, that is okay. There is nothing wrong with you. It is good to want to change, but if you have been broken or disappointed in the past because of change, then it will psychologically impact you long term. You all are probably familiar with the Fight or Flight scenario. Every time you approach a situation that arouses the desire to flee, you are training your brain to (spoiler alert) flee in similar situations, including that one. You will create a fear for similar situations. It will be harder to change, harder to learn, and harder to want to change.
A little snippet of advice: I have found it helpful and fruitful to ask for the desire to change. Sometimes... I don't want to change because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what will happen to me. I'm afraid of what will happen to my future. I'm afraid of what will happen to my relationships. ("For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7)
Recently, I went through a difficult situation. At first, I thought that I did not do anything wrong. Well, I did. Unintentionally, but I did. It is important to own up to your actions. It will bring clarity and healing. This is not being said to toot my own horn, for lack of better words, but to help every person that will read and share this.
Sometimes, when we go through things, we think that the other is all to blame. In reality, each party has probably done something to aggravate the other. One may say horrible things, the other may physically hurt the other. One may manipulate, the other may say something small, but degrading. One may tear the other person's self-esteem to pieces, spread rumors, and shun you. The other may simply do what they thought was a kind gesture but unintentionally hit a soft spot. If both parties purposefully do things to upset the other, the weight of the offenses belonging to each party may differ, but the guilt of each party is the same.
Questions: How are you going to change? What will you change? When do feel disappointed? Why do feel that way? When are you mean, manipulative, exaggerating etcetera? Why do you feel the need to do this? If you "can't help it," why is that?
Like I have shared in recent posts, expand the time between the thought, the decision, and the reaction. If you do this, I guarantee that you will find more peace, less disappointment, and more freedom.
I understand. It does suck (so do vacuums...). It is really annoying when you are so excited about something- for a long time- and (come to find out) it was never a possibility in the first place. You're probably waiting for me to tell you "But..." I'm not going to. Why? To reiterate, because it is your choice. Can I tell you to choose to be happy? Yes. Can I demand you to be optimistic? Yes. Will it work? Maybe. It also depends on your attitude.
"Disappointment is a good sign of basic intelligence. It cannot be compared to anything else: it is so sharp, precise, obvious, and direct. If we can be open, then we suddenly begin to see that our expectations are irrelevant compared with the reality of the situations we are facing."
-- Chogyam Trungpa
Sometimes, when we are disappointed, it is God's way of preparing us for a new level. Sometimes, it is a "yes" to someting greater. Something that is inconceivable to us at that time.
Examine your attitude. How are you feeling now? A little berrated? A little ashamed? A little prideful? Why? It is important to know what you are feeling. It is even more important to figure out why you feel that way. Is it because of past failures? Past disappointments? Past betrayals?
Why?
Today- if/ when you feel sad, disappointed, ashamed, hopeless etcetera, I want you to examine why you feel that way. Again, you do not have to do this. However, let me ask you a question: Do you desire to change?
If you do not desire to change, that is okay. There is nothing wrong with you. It is good to want to change, but if you have been broken or disappointed in the past because of change, then it will psychologically impact you long term. You all are probably familiar with the Fight or Flight scenario. Every time you approach a situation that arouses the desire to flee, you are training your brain to (spoiler alert) flee in similar situations, including that one. You will create a fear for similar situations. It will be harder to change, harder to learn, and harder to want to change.
A little snippet of advice: I have found it helpful and fruitful to ask for the desire to change. Sometimes... I don't want to change because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what will happen to me. I'm afraid of what will happen to my future. I'm afraid of what will happen to my relationships. ("For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7)
Recently, I went through a difficult situation. At first, I thought that I did not do anything wrong. Well, I did. Unintentionally, but I did. It is important to own up to your actions. It will bring clarity and healing. This is not being said to toot my own horn, for lack of better words, but to help every person that will read and share this.
Sometimes, when we go through things, we think that the other is all to blame. In reality, each party has probably done something to aggravate the other. One may say horrible things, the other may physically hurt the other. One may manipulate, the other may say something small, but degrading. One may tear the other person's self-esteem to pieces, spread rumors, and shun you. The other may simply do what they thought was a kind gesture but unintentionally hit a soft spot. If both parties purposefully do things to upset the other, the weight of the offenses belonging to each party may differ, but the guilt of each party is the same.
Questions: How are you going to change? What will you change? When do feel disappointed? Why do feel that way? When are you mean, manipulative, exaggerating etcetera? Why do you feel the need to do this? If you "can't help it," why is that?
Like I have shared in recent posts, expand the time between the thought, the decision, and the reaction. If you do this, I guarantee that you will find more peace, less disappointment, and more freedom.
*check out my blog post "Clarity and Simplicity: BFF's"
Omnia ad majoram Dei glorium
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