Merciless Misconceptions

     Slowly, the fragile blade of grass presses up against the strong weight that ties it down. It seems to be making no progress in moving its oppressor. Courageously,  the blade of grass continues its struggle. After many attempts to remove the cause of its strife, the blade of grass cries out to the

awe-inspiring sky above. It beseeches the sky to assist him and earns a riddle:

Real eyes realize

Real lies.

Should one recognize many, 

But ignore the others?

     Contemplatively, the blade of grass pondered this for many days. At times, he would cogitate on this well into the night, trying to decipher the message. Then, just as the last droplet of dew evaporated from its shoulders, the blade of grass inhaled sharply. That was it. The answer to the riddle! Lies; they were all lies. The lies he told himself for years:

You'll never be good enough.

Your friends will leave you.

No one will want you as their special someone.

You fail too often.

You are not courageous. 

You are a burden.

"None of these are true," he grinned.

     Should one recognize many lies, but ignore the others? No. Not anymore. Yes; others are more talented in specific areas. Yes; others are special. "But I," he thought proudly as he stretched to his full height. "I have a purpose, a meaning. Instead of setting myself up for pain and confusion by lying to myself and instead of blaming others for my pain-- I will take responsibility."

     As he breathed the last word, he grew a few inches. The weight was gone. Replaced by it was a feeling of hope, confidence, peace, and determination. 

.  .  .  .  .

     Do you feel like this blade of grass? Do you think about how "useless" you think you are? Do you feel weighed down by the lies you tell yourself? Do you tend to be kind and compassionate toward others but have difficulties in showing such kindness toward yourself? Do you find yourself being too critical about yourself in some areas and then you beat yourself up for not being able to quiet that inner critic? Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we fabricate these lies? Why do we push ourselves so hard, but beat ourselves up for not giving it our best?

     It is because our inner critic believes that it is being harsh for our own safety. It thinks that the best way to motivate us [to improve/to prevent future mistakes] is to be harsh. It thinks that the best way to get us through a painful situation is to ignore the pain [otherwise, we may drown in our sorrow].

But in reality our self critic is wrong:

     Harsh criticism may motivate in the short term but in the long term, this is discouraging, demotivating and may lead to anxiety and depression. The best way to motivate us is through self-compassion [no negative side-effects]. Acknowledging the suffering enables us to get through the pain.

     A more effective and positive way to both motivate and care for ourselves is to be self-compassionate. Self-compassion has 3 main components:

Self-Kindness refers to taking an understanding approach towards ourselves when we are suffering, have made a mistake, are feeling inadequate vs. the stiff-upper lip variation of ignoring the pain or punishing ourselves with self-criticism.

A Sense of Common Humanity is the recognition that both suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. Often, it may feel as if you were the “only” person suffering or making mistakes, leading to an irrational feeling of isolation but this is not true.

All human beings suffer. You are not the only one. Recognition of this can help us feel less alone and less judgmental of our personal failings.

Mindfulness denotes to becoming aware of when you are suffering. It also means striving for a non-judgmental mind state in which you are able to observe your thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. Now, we need to be self-critical to some extent. We need to care if we are not trying hard enough. But, we need to be aware of the truth. "Yes, I did give my best" or "No, I did not because of ___." Mindfulness. We need mindfulness. 

.  .  .  .  .

     You may be thinking "I'm not self-critical." I can understand that. But here are some signs you are a self-critic:

• You blame yourself for every negative situation. 
• You're down on yourself as a whole person, as opposed to specific mistakes you've made.
• You avoid taking risks. 
• You often avoid expressing your own opinion.
• You often compare yourself to someone else- and typically come up short.
• You are never satisfied with your achievements.
• You have impossibly-high standards for yourself.
• You have worry and what if scenarios.
• Body image issues.
• You do not assert your needs and desires.
• Thoughts of self-harm.
• You persist in analyzing mistakes.
• You don't forgive easily.
• You don't/ find it hard to compliment yourself.
• You get defensive in the face of feedback.
• You can't accept compliments.

Resistor(lyrics) - Brave Saint Saturn

   
     Are you experiencing any of these things? If so, seek help. Do not let pride stand in the way of progress. Do not allow your emotions control you and give you the mindset that you are alone/ don't need help/ will be looked upon with disdain. Those who mind don't matter. Those who matter don't mind. 

So do not live by man's compliments,

but by God's truth that you are irreplaceable, beautiful and to die for.

Then, if you are criticized,

You will take note of if it is true or false. 

If it is true, use it to better yourself.

If it is false,

do not let it steal your joy.

Joy (lyrics) - For King & Country

Omnia Majoram Ad Dei Glorium