Irony

Wild’s Soft Persistency

Amidst the summer haze,

A chestnut, lone horse stands.

Patiently, we wait,

Until he can be saddle-broken.

Yet, this horse has a spirit.

Will that ever be tamed?

He holds his head up high.

In the slight breeze, flows his mane.

Although he seems secure,

He really is alone.

Why can’t we understand,

How much that he has grown?

In body and his spirit,

He has been through much.

For him, it feels like everything.

He doesn’t have his mother’s touch.

A whinny reaches his ears.

He lifts his slender head;

He is about to respond,

But, should he wait instead?

No, he cannot wait.

Mightily, he bellows.

Sadly, he gets no reply;

So, he returns to the shadows.

His magnificence is still there.

He is waiting for a chance to show,

That he really can do better.

But, we do not know.

It has taken so much time,

To try to break his spirit.

Yet, the chances are so slim;

He is no way near it.

He’s pawing at the fence,

Pacing in his pen.

He hears the call of his home.

He breaks the gate open.

He is finally running free;

He will go where he belongs.

Why did we try to tame-

His symphony, his song?

My Side Note:

I know we have all lost something;

Everything in this world has.

We should help the things we can.

We should not just bypass.

     I wrote this at a ranch my family and I stayed at for Ben's birthday in 2014/15 (can't remember which year...). There was a chestnut horse in a corral and he was the sweetest, most beautiful, spirited horse I have seen. He held his head high and looked at the world in a determined way. Oh, he was magnificent. If God made one horse to "rule" all others- he would be the one. I forget his name, to be honest. I wrote the poem because he inspired me. He was so determined, confident, and beautiful. Oh, to ride him- it would be amazing! I did not end up riding him, but I did not mind. I felt that he should be a free horse- like he once was. I did not want to be a part of taking away the very thing he was made for: to run and be free. 

     I wrote it while sitting on an old tire. My excited fingers ran over the page of my thick, almost filled journal. When we caught eye contact- I knew I had captured the things in his heart (not that horses can think, but you know...). I remember that I was wearing my favorite jeans and I think a plaid shirt (me trying to be all cowgirl lol). I sat there, gazing at him for a loooooong time. Mallard ducks waddled around my feet while goats roamed the grass. Birds sang of their adventures, begging me to join them. Yet, I sat there. 

     I went up to him, stuck my hand through the bars, and smiled as he sniffed my fingers. Laughing, I began feeding him. I was sad to leave him (I needed to eat lunch or something...) I will remember him, though, forever. The connection we had at that moment is hard to explain. I hope you understand. If you have felt that with an animal, I hope you remember it forever. If not, I hope you experience one.

Here is a story I wrote today:

Weeping Willow

     A samara leaf (helicopter leaf) from the maple tree came twisting, spinning, and flying down through the air until it landed near a girl's head. Another landed on her cheekbone and she immediately opened her grey-blue eyes. Brushing it off, she rose to a sitting position. The striped quilt beneath her body felt warm from the sun's rays. She closed her eyes again, letting the rays penetrate her soul. Lifting her chin to the vast blue sky, with scarce a cloud, she breathed deeply. 

     I fell asleep, Willow's mind mumbled. Yawning, she stood to gather her things. The quilt was filled with samaras. Shaking them out, Willow thought, I wish I could be like these; I wish I could fly.

.  .  .  .  .

     When she went inside, all she could hear was her younger sister's voice chanting "It's so beautiful, she's so pretty!" Walking into the living room, she could see what "it" was: a monarch butterfly. The poor thing was in a net, flying in circles. It was trying to escape. 

"Acacia, let it go," Willow quickly added a please.

"Why? It will be safe here," Acacia replied. "It won't be eaten by birds if it stays inside the net."

"You're right," Willow said bluntly.

Acacia began to smile, convinced she put up a good argument.

Willow continued, "She will be safe inside the net... But that's not what she was made for." Without waiting to see if her sister would release it or not, Willow climbed the stairs to her room.

.  .  .  .  .

     Lying in her bed, she stared at the pictures she had colored and taped to the walls. She saw a Sea Turtle with the words "Brave the waves" written on the top. There was a growling Red Panda- "Love as fierce as one could hate," an octopus- "Take time to chill," an astronaut- "Imagine," some antelope- "Run from danger; if you cannot- fight!" Two swallows danced in the air- "Don't let anyone or anything trap your wings."

     Everywhere she looked, she saw the theme of freedom: the dolphin statues that surfed the open ocean waves, a peacock feather, symbolizing flight, and the stars on the ceiling, symbolizing wide open spaces. She felt alive when imagining the adventures she might go on. Closing her eyes (she often did so so that she could remember something or simply imagine), Willow imagined herself riding a horse (bareback) across an open field, full of flowers and tall grass. She imagined the wind blowing through her long brown hair. Oh, how she wanted to experience this feeling! To be free. No one to close the gates. No one to rein in her spirit. She was so caught up in her wild thoughts, that it took two times for her to hear her dad call her downstairs.

"Coming!" Willow dragged the word out. Clambering down the stairs, she skipped the last three and landed lightly on her toes. Yes! I did not make a noise! I'm getting better, Willow smiled her soft, shy smile.

"What?" 

"Willow." Her dad breathed deeply. "Nick, Kat, Addie, and Weston are moving to Alabama or Florida."

"What? Why? Is he being stationed somewhere else? When?"

"Yes, it is. When? Soon. Very soon."

     Willow's mind was racing. Not again. We only reconnected a year ago. Please, not now. Let them stay longer. If not, we will miss Addie and Weston growing up. I don't want that to happen. What if they forget me? 

.  .  .  .  .

     That night, her mom told her something about her friend who was sick. "They're gonna do surgery." 

"What? Where? Why? When? What day and time?" Willow could not believe that this was happening. Again.

     After she talked to her mom, she went outside. She found peace looking at the stars. Ever so slowly, Willow rose. Sniffing back her tears, she walked down the steps. I need to go to my favorite spot. Willow blindly raced around the house to a crooked tree. Scrambling up the trunk, she paused at two limbs that created a seat. Leaning back and resting her dizzy head against the rough bark, she sighed. The stars above seemed to laugh at her as she let her tears fell. 

     So much has happened. My five siblings dying. Leaving New Hampshire and McKenna. Ben dying. Dad getting disability from work, what happened to Mom, my other brothers leaving the Church... My friends' betrayment in Pennsylvania. My friend and I's disagreement, the misunderstanding, lies, and pain. School being hard. Finding a college major. Not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough... And now this. How long will it last? 

     Willow climbed down the tree. Head and heart downcast, she meandered around the house. Pausing at the willow tree, she touched her name that was carved into the bark. She leaned her back against the tree, finding slight comfort in its strength, although it was kind of twisted and bent. Tears filled her heart, burning like consuming fire. They overflowed. Reached her eyes without mercy, they spilled over. Sliding down the trunk of the tree, Willow wept.

The End

     This is a true story (#shockerlol). I am Willow :) The story does not come close to explaining everything that happened in my life. There have been happy, joyful, wonderful, memorable, fun, funny, challenging, good times. There will be more. Although it does not mention everything, it's another little piece of my heart. I will be honest and let ya'll know something. I feel vulnerable when I'm doing these posts. At least the personal ones. I'm worried that people will see the real me and leave. (I actually wrote a song called Irony about this). I have realized that by not letting someone see the real me because I am afraid they will leave- I am using them. I am using their friendship for my benefit. If they share with me and I hide my own self, I'm using them for someone to talk to. A friendship needs to be balanced.

     I have also come to know and accept that if I try to be someone else- I will not only not always please others, but I will not please myself. Although it may sound narcissistic, it is important to help yourself and make yourself happy. If you do not help yourself, you won't be able to help others as efficiently.

Btw- the chorus to my song "Irony" is this:

Scared to let it show

Open up your heart.

Don't want to let them know

What's tearing you apart.

You've been working so hard

To finally be accepted.

Been playing certain cards

And doing the expected.

But the irony is

Now that you've got friends...

You're scared to let them in.