Friendship Or ForNowship?

Would you rather be a great friend or be known as a great friend?

The word "friend" means: a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts, a person with whom another is a comrade in a struggle, and a person who sympathizes and supports. The relationship between Latin amīcus, "friend," and amō, "I love," is clear, as is the relationship between Greek Philos, "friend," and phileō, "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb that we can easily connect to a friend. Frēond, the Old English source of a Modern English friend, is related to the Old English verb frēon, "to love, like, honor, set free (from slavery or confinement)." Specifically, frēond comes from the present participle of the Germanic ancestor of Old English frēon and thus originally meant "one who loves." The Germanic root of frēond and frēon is *frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that.

Speaking of slavery and confinement...

Ecclesiastes (#spelledthatrightthefirsttime!whoop!whoop!) 4:10 says this: "For if either of them falls, the other will lift up his companion. But, woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up."

Have you ever been the person who lifts the other up? What about the one who has no one to pick you up? At some point or other, we have all been there. If you feel like you are the only one putting effort into a relationship/friendship- talk with that person and share your thoughts. Remember, though, we have two ears and one mouth. Do not settle for a friendship of convenience; do not have an incidental friendship, but an intentional one. The intentional friendship is a choice to fight alongside the other, and when the other falls- fight for them. It is a purposeful relationship. Have a virtuous relationship/friendship with someone or it is not going to work. Someone who is not pursuing virtue is incapable of a virtuous relationship.

Have you ever met someone and thought "yes!" Or "You are the one! The one I will fight with and for!" Has that happened? If so, hold onto that person and never let go (if it is healthy). In 1 Samuel 14, Jonathan fights the Philistines (darn-that word took me two tries). In 1 Samuel 17, David fights Goliath. In 1 Samuel 18:1, Jonathan meets David. Here is the verse: "Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself."

Knit to the soul of David. To the soul. He saw David, and he thought "you are the one I will fight for/with." Knit: intertwined, unified. Wow. That's beautiful. David and Jonathan leapt into that friendship. Without fear. An anonymous quote I really like states this: if we remembered every day that we could lose someone at any moment we would love them more fiercely, more freely, and without fear. Not because there is nothing to lose, but because everything can be lost.

This is so true, however, we sometimes stop ourselves because we are afraid. We are afraid that they will realize we are imposters, fakes, frauds. How long will it take for them to realize we take part in a charade? We want someone to know us through and through. When we start a friendship, most people compartmentalize. I'll share this, but not that. Never that. We hide our beautiful scars. 

Jonny Diaz - Scars Official Lyric Video

After Jesus told the disciples someone would betray them, John 13:22 says this, "The disciples began looking at each other, at a loss for who He meant." That is heartbreaking. We all know it was Judas who betrayed Him with a kiss. That is not what a kiss is for. He did it anyway. He betrayed Him and he knew it. But, the disciples did not even know which one He meant; they knew they were capable of betraying Him. Jesus, I'm sure, felt alone. Scared. Broken. At a lost for words. Imagine how different it would have been for Judas if he had let himself be seen for who he really was. He would have been helped by the other disciples, consoled, persuaded to belong to Jesus instead of his desires. But he chose to be opaque.

Fr. Mike Schmitz said a girl came up to him one day and told him this: "There is a difference between being transparent and vulnerable. Transparency is like being in a fishbowl. Vulnerability is letting people come into your fishbowl. Letting them affect you, help you, challenge you, hurt you, and reject you."

Questions: What kind of friend are you? Do you lift the other up? Are you like David and Jonathan? Or are you still searching for that one friend? Do you allow yourself to be transparent? Do you allow yourself to be (dare I say the word) vulnerable?

I, for one, am sometimes afraid of my vulnerability. I have shared things with certain people and have been betrayed. Psychologists say that whenever you experience something bad, you train your mind that it is bad. When you train your brain that something is bad, that signal travels to your amygdala and tells it that whatever you have experienced is bad for you. Every time you see, hear, and/or think about whatever that is- you create a stronger fear of it.

It may sound stupid, but I absolutely hate going into stores by myself. I fear that I will do or say something stupid (#prideful). However, I went out on a scary, tiny, weak, breakable (I'm trying to think of more adjectives to add to the effect...) thin, bone-shaped limb. I stepped out of the car, closed the door, and approached the luminous swinging door. I gulped as I read the sign: Little Caeser's Pizza. I tightened my grip on the money in my hand: a neatly folded $5 bill and 50 cents. (Beforehand, I made sure I had enough money. It should be $5.20 something, but what if it's $5.28? Oh no! Better grab two quarters.) I'm really glad I did because the guy told me it was $5.34. I was surprised when I was not embarrassed when I called what looked like an 18-yr-old guy "sir." I really thought I would be, however, I was so happy I actually could breathe that I did not care. I'm serious; sometimes I have to calm my breathing because I get so nervous. It's awful. But, I am now in the process of training my tiny little brain to be okay with doing things like that. (#patonmyback and a "thank the Lord!")

More questions: Are you afraid to be seen as you really are? I know that I sometimes am; I have to tell myself that those who mind seeing me for who I am- they don't matter, and those who matter will not mind. This helps at times, but at others, it does not. You have to find your identity in God. If you are defined by others, you will find yourself switching back and forth to a different "you" depending on who you are with. It is exhausting. Believe me; I should know. What helped me: I found my identity and worth in Jesus, I talked with His Mother, established a relationship with my guardian angel, and am trying to live life to its fullest.